I like Haya! But I have to disagree with her. You can't really say (judge) that all marriages are a failure. If you want your marriage to work whether its love or arranged marriage, all you have to do is: 1. Be Realistic: Couples often go into marriage with idealistic notions of what marriage is all about. And that's wrong!
2. Do Not Take One another For Granted: This usually occurs sometime after the honeymoon period. When your partner feels taken for granted, not respected or acknowledged, and feels that others are a higher priority than him/herself.
3. Communication Skills: Being able to communicate is one of the greatest assets in any relationship. Being able to articulate our thoughts and being certain that the listener understands what you wish to say take considerable practice. Often we believe we are saying one thing, while the listener is hearing something entirely different. The listener often is responding to either what they believed you to say or their own interpretation. Communication requires both good transmission skills (articulation) and good receptive skills (listening). Without both, communication will be at best difficult.
4. Regular Meetings: Couples often find that scheduling regular business meetings, just as one would do in a business partnership, to discuss the business of the marriage is helpful and indicates that the marriage is a high priority in their life. Date night is one evening each week set aside for the purpose of emotional connecting. No business matters are discussed. Each partner takes responsibility on alternative weeks for planning the date, just as they might have done during courtship. Dates do not have to be elaborate events.
5. Keep the Romance Alive: Maintaining the romance in a relationship is vital to the vibrancy of the relationship. Once folks marry they often become quite lax in this department. They allow business, chores, and children to get the way of their romantic life. In a busy life, especially if there are children, it takes considerable effort to maintain romance. But it is worth it. It takes planning, creativity and commitment.
6. Develop Sexual Skills: Many times men and women believe that somehow the man is supposed to "know" what to do and be good at it. Fearing failure, they do only what is tried and true. One of the most common problems that couples have is the lack of innovation. Sex becomes boring. Such predictability can lead to staleness and apathy. Communication about sexuality, and the willingness to experiment will keep the bedroom activities exciting, interesting and fun.
7. Be Complimentary: It costs nothing to compliment your partner and it sure feels good to receive them. We are often chary about paying compliments to our mates, letting them know that we think they are pretty/handsome, smart, clever, well-dressed, kind, a good parent, etc. We do not have to wait until some occasion when we purchase a greeting card to let our mates know that we think they are special.
8. Show Appreciation: Another small thing that feels good. Thanking your partner for making dinner or taking out the trash, picking up clothes from the dry-cleaners, and in general letting him/her know that s/he is appreciated can go along way in creating a caring environment. Couples are very quick to criticize one another when chores do not get done, but they are very remiss when it comes to showing appreciation.
Marriage, like any other worthwhile endeavor, requires patience and practice. When there is difficulty, it may require outside help. Just as a business may require a consultant, so too might a marriage. Today's marriages are more than just two people living under the same roof. They are complex and dynamic entities that become even more complex as children enter the picture. For then there are additional dynamics that must be incorporated into the mix. Maintaining a marriage is one of our most significant challenges.
Nunu-San: Mashalah hal kalam 3ain el 3agel .. bs eb hal wagt nader manelga kel hathy el ashya'a together .. fe ashya'a esghera yomken e6arafain yestehenon feha bs yomken laha ta'ther ekber wayed eb 7ayat'hom .. Alah ewafeeg el kel inshalah o thanks for ur comment :)
I like Haya!
ReplyDeleteBut I have to disagree with her.
You can't really say (judge) that all marriages are a failure.
If you want your marriage to work whether its love or arranged marriage, all you have to do is:
1. Be Realistic: Couples often go into marriage with idealistic notions of what marriage is all about. And that's wrong!
2. Do Not Take One another For Granted: This usually occurs sometime after the honeymoon period. When your partner feels taken for granted, not respected or acknowledged, and feels that others are a higher priority than him/herself.
3. Communication Skills: Being able to communicate is one of the greatest assets in any relationship. Being able to articulate our thoughts and being certain that the listener understands what you wish to say take considerable practice. Often we believe we are saying one thing, while the listener is hearing something entirely different. The listener often is responding to either what they believed you to say or their own interpretation. Communication requires both good transmission skills (articulation) and good receptive skills (listening). Without both, communication will be at best difficult.
4. Regular Meetings: Couples often find that scheduling regular business meetings, just as one would do in a business partnership, to discuss the business of the marriage is helpful and indicates that the marriage is a high priority in their life. Date night is one evening each week set aside for the purpose of emotional connecting. No business matters are discussed. Each partner takes responsibility on alternative weeks for planning the date, just as they might have done during courtship. Dates do not have to be elaborate events.
5. Keep the Romance Alive: Maintaining the romance in a relationship is vital to the vibrancy of the relationship. Once folks marry they often become quite lax in this department. They allow business, chores, and children to get the way of their romantic life. In a busy life, especially if there are children, it takes considerable effort to maintain romance. But it is worth it. It takes planning, creativity and commitment.
6. Develop Sexual Skills: Many times men and women believe that somehow the man is supposed to "know" what to do and be good at it. Fearing failure, they do only what is tried and true. One of the most common problems that couples have is the lack of innovation. Sex becomes boring. Such predictability can lead to staleness and apathy. Communication about sexuality, and the willingness to experiment will keep the bedroom activities exciting, interesting and fun.
7. Be Complimentary: It costs nothing to compliment your partner and it sure feels good to receive them. We are often chary about paying compliments to our mates, letting them know that we think they are pretty/handsome, smart, clever, well-dressed, kind, a good parent, etc. We do not have to wait until some occasion when we purchase a greeting card to let our mates know that we think they are special.
8. Show Appreciation: Another small thing that feels good. Thanking your partner for making dinner or taking out the trash, picking up clothes from the dry-cleaners, and in general letting him/her know that s/he is appreciated can go along way in creating a caring environment. Couples are very quick to criticize one another when chores do not get done, but they are very remiss when it comes to showing appreciation.
Marriage, like any other worthwhile endeavor, requires patience and practice. When there is difficulty, it may require outside help. Just as a business may require a consultant, so too might a marriage. Today's marriages are more than just two people living under the same roof. They are complex and dynamic entities that become even more complex as children enter the picture. For then there are additional dynamics that must be incorporated into the mix. Maintaining a marriage is one of our most significant challenges.
Nunu-San: Mashalah hal kalam 3ain el 3agel .. bs eb hal wagt nader manelga kel hathy el ashya'a together .. fe ashya'a esghera yomken e6arafain yestehenon feha bs yomken laha ta'ther ekber wayed eb 7ayat'hom .. Alah ewafeeg el kel inshalah o thanks for ur comment :)
ReplyDelete